Here are some random facts for you to chew over:
-13 year old kids don't enjoy Grey Britain by Gallows nearly enough. Also, I'm skinnier than almost all of them. Scratch that, all of them.
-Cadbury's Chocolate Machine's don't amuse me in the slightest, mainly because, upon purchasing them, one has to put money in them again just to get the fucking chocolate out.
-Similarly, obnoxiously flamboyant gay emo Lady Gaga fans are my worst nightmare. As are people called Ian.
-A nerd will always arrive at a gig before you. A rather cute, compulsively lovable nerd. He'll be first in the queue. Don't question that- it's the way the world works.
-A balding Scottish man called Neil is the nicest person on the planet.
-Pulled Apart By Horses enjoy interacting with their audience. Unfortunately, said Horses are the sweatiest men alive. Trust me. Because I know.
-Churds suffer from chronic deafness.
-Any Tony the Tiger-less set can cause combustion, impotence, and massive bouts of complaining from the average Manchester Orchestra fan. Another common side-effect is the potentially suicidal guilt felt by their shy, moustachioed guitarist.
-Drummers should not attempt to hide in box seats. This is for two main reasons: one, they're not very good at it, and two, it's prone to leave them vulnerable to the wrath of fat, bearded men in Activision t-shirts.
One other thing. Biffy Clyro will conquer the world, or I'm Hugh Hefner. They're fucking extraordinary.
A loving cloud of stink to you all,
S.xxx
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